What's your deserve?

I heard this phrase at a recent summit I attended and it has been on my mind endlessly ever since.

Let's just go ahead and clear an elephant in the room, shall we? On April 19th, I was laid off of my job. I haven't been unemployed since I was 14 years old (shout out, Pizza Ranch!). On another note, when I graduated with my masters in December, that marked 3 1/2 years of working full-time and working on my graduate degree in the evenings and on the weekends. Following graduation, I was really struggling with what to do with my newfound free time (outside of working full-time, of course). Aside from watching Friends (not rewatching, but watching for the first time), I spent many evenings walking around our house not sure what to do with my hands. Then I was laid off. Talk about a nosedive.

Over the past 4 weeks, I have cycled through every reasonable emotion (and then some unreasonable ones too): anger, despair, freedom, angst and my favorite, 'why the hell did I even get my masters?!'. 48 hours after being laid off, my husband came home to 5 gallons of paint in our entryway and he was confident that I had cracked.

You see, there is a certain air around telling others you were laid off of work. Let's also address the certain connotation with being laid off (i.e. laziness) and that is just something that my ego will have to digest.

On the other hand, I have heard many things like:
- 'You are so marketable and employable, you'll be fine!'
- 'Being laid off was the best thing that has ever happened to me'
- 'Try to enjoy the time off. You'll be employed in no time and wish you could have the time back'
- 'You have your masters now, companies will be fighting for you'
- 'Don't tell people that you were laid off, just tell them that you are in between jobs'

and let me say that I appreciate and believe it all! I consider myself one of those coachable people, who thoroughly enjoys feedback, so having received an incredible amount of support strikes a deep chord with me.

Friends, here I sit over a month later still unemployed. I am straddling the line between taking advantage of the time off and feeling extremely lost, which brings me back to, 'what is your deserve?'. Currently, this applies to my job search, but I love how it can apply to almost anything in your life! You only get out what you put in. 

I decided to make a list of things in my life that I know I deserve:
o  An incredibly supportive husband, who lets me know that I am worthy of love and respect (employed or not)
o A clean, comfortable, yet small house in the city (hello, student loans!)
o A healthy and decently functioning body. I say decently because, well, after 8 knee surgeries things are bound to hurt and modifications became a necessity. However, I make an extreme conscious effort to nourish myself and practice lots of self-care, including listening to my body.
o 1 insanely lovable dog, who can't believe her luck that Mom suddenly has time for endless walks, fetch sessions and cuddles (she also desperately needs a haircut - Penny, not Mom)
o 2 cats who throw up all around our small house (I knew nothing about owning a cat prior to 2011. Hairballs come with the territory.)
o A family who never ceases to check-in with me (even when I am moody) and remind me that I will be OK
o Friends who were willing to be patient while I was consumed with work and school, yet always willing to squeeze in the tiniest date whenever possible. I promise I’m trying to make up for it post-graduation.
o A job that I like, but not necessarily love. Yes, I have my masters and some experience, but I am still at the beginning of my career. Love is the ultimate goal, but realism here, people.


So friends, what is your deserve? This self-reflection can be empowering and humbling. Be sure to discern with open eyes and a vulnerable heart.

XOXO