Monday, May 14, 2012

.:happy mother's day:.

as i get older, the dynamics of Mother's Day changes. not only does it get harder to make it home to celebrate with my own mom, but there are more and more Moms in my life, from other family to coworkers to my own best friends. another thing i've noticed as i get older is what it must take to be a Mom! i find myself in a habit of not having a schedule or habits! my days revolve around work, working out, hanging out with friends, cooking/baking, yoga, basically whatever i decide i want them to revolve. being a Mom, you must put a lot of these things aside or at least put a lot more effort into making time for these things. i respect that and maybe it's selfish for me to not want this (yet), but i truly do admire and am in awe at how much it takes to be a mother (although i am sure i am still underestimating it).

i was fortunate enough to see my mom and grandma on saturday at my Grandma's 90th birthday, 90! some people have asked me what her secret is and my response is, she simply forgets how old she is.....literally. we joke about it because it is hard to see such a strong influence in your life slowly lose grasp of reality and forget who you are, but she's still there, somewhere. either way, it was a very special way to spend a part of Mother's day enjoying the company of my mom, grandma and other family.

although i wasn't able to spend the actual Mother's Day with my mom or any other mommas in my life, i still felt like i was still spending the day with her because in a way, i am her (scary!).

in all seriousness, i have a lot to thank my mom for because i certainly wouldn't be who i am today without her guidance and example. i was fortunate to spend my day doing things that i know i enjoy thanks to my mom's influence; biking and gardening!

we always had a tradition growing up that my mom and i would plant her flower garden on Mother's day and i thought of that on sunday, as i was planting flowers in my own garden. it was a special moment that i got to spend by myself reflecting on those past years.

after the MF spent a couple hours with his mom and grandma, we decided to go on a looooong bike ride and enjoy the nice day (approx. 35 miles, yikes). along the way, again i felt my mom's silent presence as i enjoyed the nature, the fresh air, and simply the sport of biking. the MF and i even mentioned how it's crazy, but nice that we are finally able to enjoy the scenery without our parents around to 'encourage' us to appreciate it.

so here is a much deserved shout out to my momma:  i cannot begin to thank you enough for all that you have done for me. from being my sanity in a household of boys, to all of our BK trips (although incredibly unhealthy, i will never forget our order: whopper jr with cheese, no onion or tomatoes and fries x2), for all our shopping trips, being my running buddy and most important, believing me when i didn't believe in myself whether knee related or otherwise. i will forever have your influence apart of me including the big characteristics such as cleaning (someday), mannerisms and devilishly good looks to the silent things, enjoying nature and leading a healthy lifestyle (i'll overlook the years of BK). you will always be my momma, my support and my best friend, i love you MORE.

please enjoy these photos, a few are from our bike ride on Mother's day while a few are some with me and my mommas in my are all amazingly strong and selfless women......

always striving for more, 
dee b.

Tuesday, May 8, 2012

.:notice everything:.

i broke the rules.

the rules were to not run any longer and i broke them. oh well.

i went for a run last night outside. i don't remember the last time that i went for a full run outside. i want to say that it was only 4 miles and no big deal, but it was so much more than that to me.

transitioning my cardio from the freedom of  pavement and wherever scenery took me, to an clunky elliptical battling over TV rights, has been hard to say the least. i feel restricted to where, when and how long i can workout for. the saying stands, you never really know what you got until it's gone. there were days where i used to find myself saying, 'i have to go out on a run today'. looking back, it should have been phrased, 'i get to run today'.

running turned into my outlet during college. regardless of what i had going on during school, work, relationships, my living situation, it was stability i could count on. i think the hardest part about this transition is trying to find another outlet, another way to spend my time, to keep my sanity, to maintain my self-worth and identity. this may sound extreme, but identifying myself as a runner for years and than having to find another identity is going to be a journey as i have already realized this week.

this past week was trying and frustrating and i felt as if i had no outlet. any outlet that i did try, yoga, ellipticalling, gardening, made me feel just as defeated because i NEEDED to run, i WANTED to run.

anyway, i took my time enjoying this run, noticing everything :: the changing scenery, fresh air, animals (even though i only saw rabbits, squirrels and birds), smells that changed throughout the route, uneven sidewalks and crunching leaves. i realize that i can't make this a regular thing and i really need to focus on transitioning my lifestyle into less running, less impact activities to help myself and my knee. i know it's going to be a journey of trial and error, good moods and bad moods. it's a journey of uncertainty, but one thing that is certain is i will cherish every run that i GET to do.

next time you are on a run, do me a favor, do yourself a favor and notice everything.

always striving for more,
dee b.