.:impermanence:.

im·per·ma·nence (ˌ)im-ˈpərm-nən(t)s, -ˈpər-mə-\

not lasting or durable; not permanent

impermanence is an undeniable and inescapable fact of human existence.

whether you are reading the Webster dictionary or reading up on buddhism (i would like to state that i am NOT buddhist), impermanence is the nature of life. nothing in this world is fixed or permanent. everything is subject to change and alteration. life is comparable to a river, a progressive movement, a successive series of different moments joining together to give the impression of one continuous flow.

some days i go to yoga for a workout, some days i go for perspective. last night, i walked into the studio looking for a good sweat after being out of town, but instead got the latter. during the 75 minutes of class, the instructor continued to refer to impermanence and finding comfort in it. reflecting on my drive home, i realized that impermanence can bring comfort in hard times and gratitude in happy times. currently, impermanence fits in every aspect of my life:. relationships, work, health, financial status, even where i currently live.

i find comfort in knowing that my financial status will hopefully improve as time goes on - my loans will get smaller, my income will get bigger - i will become more established. i find comfort in knowing that drew and i will eventually move into a bigger place, share less space with others and take 'the' next step, celebrating with others will turn into celebrating us.  i find comfort in knowing that long days of working 2 jobs will come to an end. i find comfort in knowing that while i cannot run, i have found new passions.

i find gratitude in knowing that i am more established now than i was last year. i find gratitude that i am able to manage my responsibilities. i find gratitude in the home where we currently live, what this space has meant to us and the help that we have received to make it ours. i find gratitude that we live close to (almost) everything we love. i find gratitude in drew's companionship, creating our own timelines, and following our own rules. i find gratitude that i have the opportunity to impact 3 little boys' lives so their parents can have a break. i find gratitude that i can move and control my own body.

i find gratitude that i will be able to look back 5, 10 years from now and know what i have at this moment is special, unique and essentially, carefree. where i am right now is exactly where i am meant to be.

find comfort in impermanence, find gratitude in impermanence because this moment, whether it is difficult or joyful, it will come to an end - either hang in there or cherish it.

always striving for more,
dee b.

.:happiness comes when you overcome the most impossible challenges:.

have you ever heard the phrase, 'when it rains, it pours'?

i am a 'glass half-full' type of person and really like to focus on positive things in my life, but in order for us to appreciate the good things, we have to have rainy days, right???

i haven't wasted a lot of energy thinking about these events, they happened, i am changed from them, but needed to move on.....but perhaps it would be good for me to write about them.....

you know those four-legged furry friends that act as children or siblings for 10-15 years? ya, i'm talking about dogs (sorry, Henry). but seriously, dogs have a way of adapting from 'just a pet' to part of the family. well, our little (but old) Maggie, was put down a few Fridays ago. she was a miniature schnauzer that we 'adopted' many years ago, 13 to be exact. she was our childhood dog.

we have many memories with Maggie from me dressing her up as cheerleader (with scrunchies on her ears, of course), letting all 18 lbs of her take over 3/4 of our beds, taking her on W-A-L-K s (yes, we had to spell it when she was around), to catering to her sassy-ness when we did something that was not to her satisfaction. she was an awesome dog who was extremely loyal and lovable. she demanded that she greets you at the door with whines and kisses when you got home, who cares if you only went out to grab the mail?

we all spend so much time, energy and money protecting our animals and help them thrive, but over the years our forever youthful, Maggie, was even feeling the effects of age. she was having troubles getting up and down the stairs, had those awful age bumps (gross), would whine in her sleep cause she hurt and even needed a very expensive new stomach a few years back because she decided to help herself to apples that had fallen off of our trees (there goes a college payment, thanks Maggie!) on the morning of February 10th, my parents could not get Maggie to wake up and stand up on her own, her vertebrae had collapsed, it was definitely a sign that enough was enough. as anyone knows who lost a pet, last pictures were taken and tears were shed.

my mom will eventually get a new baby (she is looking into adopting), but Maggie will always be our first dog and never replaceable. she will always be a part of our family and memories.....

RIP Maggie, we are sorry if you never thought you got enough treats....

as i have mentioned before, i have bad knees. not the 'my knees get achy when it's cold outside' bad knees(which they do), but i have 'what can i do to prevent a knee replacement at 28' bad knees. i was very excited to meet with a knee specialist at TRIA Orthopaedic Center and make a plan of action to preserve the knee that i have. did you catch that i said i WAS excited? excitement was over 15 minutes into the appointment. not only had he confirmed that my knee does indeed suck (i was hoping everyone else who had already told me that was wrong), but that he wanted to do another surgery in order to make a plan of action. the purpose of this surgery was to validate whether i was a candidate (i think he said 'great candidate') for a meniscus transplant along with an osteotomy. sound fabulous and intense? cause it is. being stubborn (or in denial), i don't want to go into details about it, but let's just say it would include 4 weeks bedrest and 8-10 weeks no walking, i would handle that well, right? the news got worse. surgery or no surgery, he said that i must give up running. i couldn't even call him an idiot because this was THE knee specialist who I had waited weeks to see. my first worry was the Lululemon SeaWheeze 1/2 marathon that i have already signed up, booked airfare and hotel for. i'm already tired of talking about this appointment and my knees in general, so to wrap it up, the Lululemon 1/2 marathon will be my last running hurrah. am i upset? hell yea. am i giving up? no. i have fought Dr.'s orders and the odds against my knees for many years and it is time to be smart. i am 22 years with a bad wheel. so, after the emotions settled and i was able to step back and realize that i want to have an active lifestyle for al ong time. running or no running. i do feel very grateful that my last hurrah will be at the greatest event that i have ever signed up for.

to date, it has been 5 weeks since i have ran (ok, i ran twice for 15 minutes each time), but i introduced myself to elliptical and stair master. we all agreed this 'love' triangle could get messy and complicated, but we are all in it for the long haul.

i am in the process of learning that there are a lot of other ways to get a good workout that doesn't include running (suggestions are appreciated). plus, i am able to dive more into my yoga practice, win-win! (kinda of....)

anyway, i am still smiling and realizing with the right mindset and the right people by my side, there are a lot more things to be grateful for than to feel misforunate about.

with the glass half full,

always striving for more,

dee b.

so many exciting things, so little time!

this week has started off on a good great foot for many reasons!

first off, my girls had a basketball tournament this weekend where they took 3rd place! honestly, they should've went on to the championship game, but we lost by 3 points in overtime, bummer! either way, i am super proud of all they accomplished this weekend and this season so far. they are working hard, improving and they deserved to have something to show for it, in this case, it was a t-shirt. they also think that Coach owes them DQ for winning, but we'll see how well the Coach's budget is doing after rent and student loans (doesn't a high-five cut it anymore?).

also, i found this AMAZING 1/2 marathon in Vancouver on August 11th and the best part of it, it's sponsored by LULULEMON! anyone who knows me, knows that i am obsessed with this brand. some people think it's overpriced, i see it as an investment for living a healthy lifestyle fashionably and comfortably :)

either way, i REALLY want to go to Vancouver and i REALLY want to run in this 1/2 marathon....stay tuned (and keep your fingers crossed!).

this week is going to be super eventful, exhausting and fun! first off, my MF and i are celebrating our one year, ONE YEAR on friday! that's crazy to me, i know a lot of people say, i cannot believe it's already been a year, but seriously, i CANNOT believe it's already been one year. also, i start my yoga teacher training this weekend at CorePower Yoga. i am B E Y O N D excited! this could be a start of a new career away from my cubicle and onto my mat, could a girl ask for anything more? last thing, i am hosting a Pure Romance party at my house this saturday evening, so my house will be filled with friends, laughs and wine!

i am hoping i will be able to check in and maintain my resolution of BLOGGING MORE, but only time will tell!!!

always striving for more,

dee b.

.:we often take for granted, the things that most deserve our gratitude:.

back to the grind after a refreshing 4-day weekend...

it's monday morning (grrr) after thanksgiving and i'm sitting in my cubicle thinking about how many things i have to be greatful for. do you find it easy to just go through the motions of 'thanksgiving' with all the traveling, food and family? what happens to your gratitude after all the events die down and you're not 'forced' to think about it?

i have many things to be grateful for and most of them are simple and basic...

1. FAMILY--this seems to be the default answer for everyone when asked what they're thankful for....

we're supportive, dysfunctional and FULL of love! let's be honest, there are times when everyone else turns their back on you and all you have is family....old pic, but a good one, love you guys!

i don't remember the last time almost all of the cousins were together! we have moved, got married, graduated, moved again basically grew up and forged our own paths, but getting together never changes. it's time filled with making fun of each other, eating too much food and catching up on all we have done since we last saw each other.

2. FRIENDS--also, another default, but who are we without friends and those memories that we make with them? friends add character to our live, they help create our personalities, they enrich our lives in ways that family cannot. i have always said that i don't have one best friend that i get to see on a regular basis, but i have a lot of close friends and i am thankful for each and every one of them and the fullfillment they bring to my life.

  

3.MY HEALTH-- this may be debatable after 5 knee surgeries and a bout of shingles when i was a sophomore in college...

on a serious note, i am able to run, do yoga and workout (almost) as often as i'd like and i haven't had any serious diagnosis with my health, i will call that win!

4. my two guys....

guy 1.....

   

guy 2....
                             
seriously, these two can brighten any day. i'm happy to see them at the end of the day and bummed when i have to say goodbye.

5. my degree! after many late nights and exhausting mornings filled with school work and last minute studying, i never thought i'd reach this point with B.A. after my name, no more homework and where my opportunities are endless. my opportunities have led me into a cubicle. but i know that this degree is great head start to my career. speaking of my cubicle, it leads me to my next blessing (in disguise).....

6. my job....i know i make jokes out of being trapped in a cubicle, but there was a point when i was jobless and concerned about where my next rent check was going to come from. i may not be rolling in money, but my bills are paid and i am able to stay financially independent, which is VERY important to me. i was also able to celebrate good news regarding my job....i received FULL-TIME status at my job!!! yaay!!! this means a couple key things:. benefits (insurance, paid-time off, vacation) and more money (and salary pay may i add). although i am extremely grateful for this opportunity to happen very quickly after starting, it is a bittersweet feeling. sweet because it is what i worked for and puts me one step closer to going back to school and bitter because it means i should only get more comfortable in my cube....

like i've said before, i'm poor and i'm anxious to get a move on with my life plan, but i'm happier than what i ever thought possible and i have many things to be thankful each and every day!

what do you have to be thankful for? anything that you've neglected lately that needs a little appreciation?

appreciate everything that you have because if you don't, someone else will...

always striving for more,
dee b.

.:if you're not totally free, ask yourself why?:.

LOVE this new quote that my good friend shared me!

how was everyone's weekends? did you get everything accomplished that you had hoped or was doing nothing at all an accomplishment in itself?

mine was a little bit of both. i spent my friday night at a pure romance party with college friends. has anyone ever been to one of those? they're crazy, but fun to do with friends in pj's and around a few drinks! saturday brought our first snow and time for henry to come home to the hospital!

my mf dropped henry off thursday morning for his 'procedure'. the poor dude got neutered, his front paws declawed and a microchip placed somewhere in his body. we received a call from the vet later in the afternoon saying that everything went well and he snapped out of anesthesia very quickly (weird). per routine, he had to stay over night for supervision and care. on friday, we were encouraged to leave him for an additional night because of his 'active and adventurous nature', we know. i was very sad to be with out the little guy for one more night, but knew it was for the best! so, saturday morning, i worked my regular shift at the yoga studio, practiced at a class afterwards and rushed to pick up henry afterwards. we were sent home with henry, drugs, special kitty litter, and a cone. henry had the cone off within 2 mins of mf and i wrestling him into it! oh well, we tried. he is very low key, thanks to the drugs and is recovering well.

the rest of my saturday was spent catching up an old friend over coffee and being snowed in with my mf having a criminal minds marathon, could i have asked for a better saturday? heck no!

i spent all day today in lakeville coaching my girls in a tournament. we played 3 games and lost all 3 games. am i disappointed? yes. all because we lost? no. my frustration began when 4 out of my 10 girls were late to the game, a couple of them showing up barely before halftime. as 5th graders, i do realize they are not responsible for driving themselves, but being that late changed the entire mind-set of the game. anyway, we made mistakes as a team that we should not have made. so my goal over Thanksgiving break, is to create a new focus and angle on coaching to try with them. i am hoping it will be more effective than what i am doing now...

 my working out is still slacking, but it is getting better. maybe a couple more mixes from rockmyrun.com will help? stay tuned....


i leave you with a promise that my post tomorrow will be more substantial and interesting!

always striving for more,
dee b.

.:bliss is a constant state of mind, undisturbed by gain or loss:.

i did it, i sucked it up and made my first attempt to run in weeks and i survived! i only had time for a 25 minute run before i had hit the court for basketball, but i didn't take a single minute for granted! it felt great to get moving, get my heart rate up and burn some serious calories in a short amount of time. i am happy to share with you that my mix from rockmyrun.com was fantastic. inspiration 4 perspiration may now be my go-to mix for working out. it's a 45 minute playlist that mixes rap and hip hop, i am now motivated to workout long enough to hear the entire playlist. again, i highly suggest this website for FREE mix playlists that range from hip hop to country to rock. i can't wait to download more!

running is my time to think. on my run today, i thought about how simple my life has become in a short amount of time. i went from going to college full-time, working 2 jobs and sharing any spare time that i had with socializing and running. my money was spent on expensive food, going out (to eat and for drinks) and 'retail therapy'. i considered myself frugal. since then, i have cut down to one full time job (thankfully), food i can make in bulk (that freezes well)and an expensive night is hitting up late night happy at green mill with the man friend. i am happy, happier then what i have ever been, in fact. it's been months since i have even considered taking a happy pill (read anti-depressant, that before, i thought i needed in times of 'stress'. most of my money has a place to go (loans/bills) before it's even in my account, but i wouldn't change a thing in my life. i can put all my energy into this one job to be successful at it, share my large(and cheap) meals with my man friend and i enjoy the little victories in life. some of the best things are free.

there are a few things that i have come to really enjoy while living simple: a good cup of coffee or tea, catching up with a friend over the phone or over spaghetti (shout out to my fellow poor friends), enjoying a yoga class, the smell of library books, reading in the glow of a burning candle, bubble baths, watching old tv shows online, criminal minds marathon with my mf(man friend), pinterest, or being greeted by my kitten when i walk in the door.

i challenge you friends, that thing you need want, wait a week or two. see how you managed survive without it and re-evaluate that need. like me, you may surprise yourself at how happy you will be living simple.

i'd love to hear ideas on how you all manage to cut costs and 'tighten that belt' of finances!

always striving for more,
dee b.

what is the point???

hello friends:.


here i am starting my first blog! i have followed various blogs, some religiously, some in passing, always wondering if i would ever be interesting enough to start my own blog. well, here's a leap into the unknown world of blogging with fingers crossed!


what is the point to this blog??? well, i guess i'm not sure, a little bit of this and a little bit of that! i am a recent college grad trying to find my way in this crazy game of the "real world" unsure of where i will end up. here is what i am sure of, i am a yogi, runner addict, cooking and baking extraordinaire (perhaps more of a wanna-be), germ-a-phobe, member service rep (what up ucare), basketball coach, 'that's what she said' joke expert, momma (to the naughtiest cat), coffee-phene, animal lover and recently added, blogger! along with many more and not necessarily in that order. :) 


i do hope to accomplish a few things with this 'virtual journal':. 

1. help keep in touch with friends, family and whoever has an interest in following events in my life
2. organize my thoughts, aspirations and maybe, a recipe or two. my brain is always working and as a result, i am always having a random thought or writing a 'to-do' list (which my boyfriend and friends can attest to). this seems to have become worse after finishing college as my brain doesn't quite know what to do with the extra energy!
3. to inspire and be inspired. my life has consisted of obstacles, triumphs and more obstacles. i hope my experiences may bring hope those who are facing adversity and in a selfish way, feed off my 'followers' in my moments of weakness. 
4. to decompress. although this time in my life is very fresh and exciting, it is also stressful. i am young and educated, poor yet happy, anxious yet laid back. 
5. last, but not least, to cherish the simple things that happen day to day. i have never been one to live in the present moment and here is my modest attempt to begin that today.

i am a big fan of goal setting. my motto=if you don't chase your dreams, who will? shout out to my mom for always reminding me of this in times of uncertainty and despair! by her stashing this quote on post-its around my room, bathroom and car, it has helped make me who i am today and even inspired me to get it inked along my side so i will never forget where i've been (i may post of pic of this tattoo, if you're lucky....). i'd like to share with you a few of my goals, some short term while others are long term (again, not necessarily in this order) and let you get a better feel of who i am:.

• **run the boston marathon-which means i must qualify, which means i must run another marathon, which means my knees have to cooperate for training (at the rightful age of 22, i have expensive knees that still suck, more on that later....i suppose)
• get up tomorrow morning at 6:15 and go for a run. 
• start practicing yoga at least 3 times/week 
• figure out what the heck i want to do with my life (career-wise), more on that later as well....i suppose. 
• clean my room
• be a good momma and tame my kitten somehow.....
• become a certified yoga instructor 
• volunteer 

i'd love to hear anyone and everyone's goals!

with the much needed prelude out of the way, i'd like to share my first recipe with you! after sitting in my cubicle all day long, i decided to take my night of no plans and cook with the acorn squash that my grandma gave to me fresh from her garden (thanks grandma!). after work, but before i got to cooking, i rushed to a yoga sculpt class at the local Corepower and got my butt kicked! not only was it HOT, but the speaker system was broken which made it harder to play music at the appropriate level. for any of you who have not taken a yoga sculpt class, that means LOUD! inevitably, i left the studio sweaty and full of gratitude for all my body still allows me to do even with bad knees (still not ready to talk about those). 

and the cooking began.....here is what i started with....

....and this is what i ended up with, acorn squash bisque! although the process to achieve these results may seem daunting, it was extremely easy and included ingredients that almost every kitchen has! another bonus, it's healthy for you! thank you everydayhealth.com for this recipe ---->http://www.everydayhealth.com/health-recipe/acorn-squash-bisque.aspx 

this bisque is very savory and sweet, but does include onions. i enjoy onions, but in moderation, so maybe next time i'll try it without onions and more brown sugar and/or cinnamon!

well friends, to avoid turning this first blog into a novel and setting the bar too high for future blogs, all this must come to end for the evening. i am off to attempt 2 of my goals, cleaning my room and getting up before work to run (which means bedtime must be soon), thank you for starting this journey with me, i will be back for more!

always striving for more, 

the 'dee' list